the beginning is the end is the beginning
now playing -- "sabbatical with options" by prefuse 73 (feat. aesop rock), "swan lake" by blackalicious --
it's been over a year since i last wrote in one of these things. i've been trying to figure out exactly why i just left my old blog for dead. i had better things to do; i was lazy; i needed to concentrate on school; hell, i just wanted to get high, man. while there is some validity to these excuses, the real reason that i stopped was because i was never really content with what i wrote. i thought a lot of them were idiotic. my writing didn't really give justice to the title i had given the site (innervisions). while i believed that my entries were heartfelt and authentic, the perfectionist in me became increasingly discontented with each entry. i lost confidence and motivation. if my blog wasn't going to be visually appealing, the least i could do was make it textually stimulating right? well, innervisions contained neither of the two. in retrospect, i realized that i was writing, not for myself, but for the people who read my entries. i was overly conscious of what i was writing to the point where i would prevent my thoughts from ever reaching the computer because i didn't think they mattered all that much. censoring freedom of speech is understandable in certain circumstances, sure, but restraining thoughts is downright inconceivable. it's like installing dozens of imaginary dividers into your stream of consciousness.
just as all things eventually must come to an end, opportunities for new beginnings arise. goodbye innervisions, hello fragmented musings.
it's been over a year since i last wrote in one of these things. i've been trying to figure out exactly why i just left my old blog for dead. i had better things to do; i was lazy; i needed to concentrate on school; hell, i just wanted to get high, man. while there is some validity to these excuses, the real reason that i stopped was because i was never really content with what i wrote. i thought a lot of them were idiotic. my writing didn't really give justice to the title i had given the site (innervisions). while i believed that my entries were heartfelt and authentic, the perfectionist in me became increasingly discontented with each entry. i lost confidence and motivation. if my blog wasn't going to be visually appealing, the least i could do was make it textually stimulating right? well, innervisions contained neither of the two. in retrospect, i realized that i was writing, not for myself, but for the people who read my entries. i was overly conscious of what i was writing to the point where i would prevent my thoughts from ever reaching the computer because i didn't think they mattered all that much. censoring freedom of speech is understandable in certain circumstances, sure, but restraining thoughts is downright inconceivable. it's like installing dozens of imaginary dividers into your stream of consciousness.
just as all things eventually must come to an end, opportunities for new beginnings arise. goodbye innervisions, hello fragmented musings.
posted by paolo at 12:03 AM
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